LONG OR SHORT COURTSHIP:WHICH IS GOOD FOR YOU? -Emmanuel Ariyo

         I have seen a lot of people condemn long courtship because they believe it can lead to fornication, frustration etc. In fact I almost believed that it's not possible to court for over two years without fornicating. But one day, I was sitting in a program somewhere listening to a minister, and the minister said that he courted with his wife for six years before they eventually got married. That caught my attention, he further talked of various challenges and issues he had to PATIENTLY work on and solve with his spouse before marriage. He took time to study and build his spouse to his taste before the union. Somebody said that he has grace and not everyone will have that kind of grace to court for six years without sinning. I began to wonder, is there a grace for long courtship? The fact is no. What the man has was focus and discipline.
          Courtship is very important to marriages, it's a period where prospective or intending couples get to know each other intimately. Courtship is a period where you are to get detailed informations about temperance, mood, habits, goals, ambitions, likes, dislikes, dos and don'ts of your prospective spouse. I believe that if you haven't gotten details of these informations during courtship, you are not suppose to move to the next level of marriage. So I conclude that the length of courtship should not be fixed, but should depend on whether the parties involved are getting what they should get.
                      WHY COURTSHIP MAY BE LONG
1. If you still do not have the knowledge and understanding of the basic features of your intending spouse: There are some basic characters of people you should know before you marry them. You need to know what your intending spouse value, you need to know his or her interest, temperament, turn offs and ons, vision, ambition etc. You should come to a level in your courtship where you can tell accurately how your partner will react or respond to a particular situation. That's a courtship with focus and seriousness.
           It's unfortunate that many people are wasting time in courtship, they are not praying, studying, thinking and planning in courtship. They believe courtship is just a time of fun, outings, partying, romancing etc. And when they couldn't get what they are supposed to get in courtship, they get frustrated when they see their spouses manifesting some strange attitude in marriage. Those strange attitude could have been discovered if the courtship was prayerfully, patiently and properly done. A man cannot pretend for long, and I believe that you can discover the attitude of a man if you prayerfully and carefully study him.
2. Molding and building your intending spouse to your taste might take time: You need to understand that whatever you cannot correct in your intending spouse during courtship cannot be corrected in marriage, except with a miracle. The fact that your intending spouse is not doing what you expect, doesn't mean he or she is not right person for you. One of the reasons of courtship is correction, teaching, making and molding to a desired taste by both prospective spouses. You have to patiently teach and make your intending spouse to become what you want. One thing you must appreciate in people is teachability. When a person is teachable, he or she can be corrected, the person can learn and improve on whatever he /she is doing that is not good enough. If you have an intending spouse that is teachable, please value the person because no matter how bad he or she might be, he or she will definitely improve as you keep correcting with love(very important).
              please I want to advise that if you try to correct your intending spouse on something, and he or she refuse to take to your correction, If you know that you can't cope or manage it please discard the relationship and prayerfully  move on. The reason is because a broken relationship or courtship is better than a broken marriage. The fact that you are engaged to someone does not mean that you have married the person, you should give room for possibility of anything in the process of pruning. I desire that God will give us understanding and directions, and we shall not miss it in life and marriages. Thank you...



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