LOVE AND COMPATIBILITY: WHICH IS THE ULTIMATE IN A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE - Emmanuel Ariyo

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         The reason a lot people have problems in their marriages or relationships is not because love is missing. A lot of people believe that love determines a successful marriage, that's not true. There is a common saying that true love is scarce, so a lot of people especially ladies are bordered about finding true love. But I wanna suggest to you to seek for compatibility rather than love. I have heard and seen several people at the verge of divorce or separation still confessing that they still love their spouses but they can't just continue together. So I concluded that love is not the ultimate in successful marriages.
          LOVE is an intetense feeling of attraction towards a person,  It's also a FEELING of affection or care. Love can bring two people together, but cannot keep them together. The problem with love is that it's just a feeling, and feelings can't be trusted. That's why it's possible for a man feel sad and frown his face when he should be happy. It's also possible for a man to feel happy when he should feel sad. Some people referred to such thing sometimes as mood swing. The Bible encourages us not speak or act according to our feelings, but according to who we know we are by the word. Sometimes you know the right thing, but you are not doing it just because you are FEELING like NOT doing it. It shows that sometimes our feelings maybe wrong and we might be deceived by it.
          COMPATIBILITY on the other hand is the level of agreement or understanding between people. It's the ability of people to co-exist, reason alike and function together without conflict. I had a very close friend in my university days, we never fought, though we argued and disagreed on some issues once in a while, but we agreed on most issues by default. He always do what I naturally expect him to do without telling him while I do the same without any information. Every of his words and actions are good to me likewise mine to him. Due to these reasons,  we were best of friends throughout my university days. That's COMPATIBILITY. Whatever made sense to him made sense to me, whatever is funny to him is also funny to me. We almost have same likes and dislikes, due to the level of compatibility, we maintained the close friendship without disrespecting each other.
          I also met some people I love, I love their looks and attitude and I tried to get close to them but we couldn't get close because our level of agreement is very low. What inspired me did not inspire them,  we had different interest and ideas, we had different goals and targets. I could not maintain friendship with such people, not because they are bad but because we are not just compatible.
                COMPATIBILITY CAN PRODUCE LOVE
           It is possible for you to meet someone at first and dislike the  person probably due to looks or something else. But as time goes on it's possible for you to start loving the person if you are relating well with the person. That's compatability. If you both have common value and interest, both of you will be drawn closer to each other and might be doing things together easily and happily, and soon love is instigated.
           Also you can meet someone and at first love the person, but as time goes on hatred begins to set in when you don't understand his or her life style, both of you have different ideologies and philosophy. Arguments, disagreements, conflicts or hatred begin to manifest due to incompatibility. The book of Amos chapter 3 verse 3 says two people cannot walk together unless they AGREE. the agreement is compatibility.
          love is very good, and it's important in marriage but it's not the ultimate. Love based on feelings will definitely fail, because feeling is not constant.  But there is another kind of love based on decision, that's the kind of love God has for the world. The love of God for us is not just a feeling, God decided to love us anyhow. That's why even while we were yet sinner, he sent Jesus to die for us. When your love for a person is based on decision,  it's gonna be independent of the person's character, attitude, looks or dress. It's gonna be constant. That's the kind of love Jesus commanded us to love our neighbours. If you love someone due to feelings (emotions) make sure you transcend that love from just feelings to decision, it will help your relationship.
           In conclusion, I wanna appreciate everyone that has been following my articles and checking out the blog. Many more issues will be discussed as time goes on by God's grace. I love you



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Location: Nigeria

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